Finding Love: Knowing What You Want
1. Define your core value Knowing your core value is what you really want.
”Some things are unlikely to change. These are the principles of your faith. No matter what changes, it is still deep in your heart and integrated into your life.
Dr White said she is a therapist and instructor at Temple University.
In fact, White tells medical websites that no matter how many qualities you fill in your “must have” list, it’s more important than finding someone with the same core value as you.
“They reflect who you are and what you want,” White said.
当核心价值观不同时，他们经常触发这些个人问题，例如：o想要子女的心愿o宗教信仰o如何处理金钱o如何做出重要决定o如何看待诚实，正直，忠诚的必然o甚至如何看待离婚 虽然We’ve all heard that non-common assessments are attractive-experts admit that they’re right-when it comes to really big issues in our lives, those with common variables are best.
”When it comes to our most important and long-lasting relationships, core values become the glue that keeps couples together.
2. Understanding the core values of your relationship needs may fundamentally determine who we are, and our relationship needs often define our relationships in more detail.
“We must acknowledge our emotional needs before we can find the right person to put it,” said Suglu.
”The need for intimacy, sexual gratification and satisfaction, must be respected and understood, and even accepted by our partners. These are very important aspects.
Each of us has his own way of satisfying this need, and it is to make life more enjoyable and secure.
“Suglu said he is a professor of clinical psychiatry at the University of Michigan School of Medicine and the author of” Female Sexual Problems. ”
Knowing what your practice is for your ability, he said, finding a partner that makes you happy and happy is extremely important.
Caution: When we were looking for a partner that satisfied us, trouble came, and eventually we found that only ourselves can satisfy ourselves.
”If you are looking for a partner that makes you feel worthwhile, makes you happy, and saves you from a dull and unpleasant life, if you are looking for someone who makes you feel complete-then you have something to do, Because other than yourself cannot meet these requirements.
3. Identify your partner. So how do we find someone who can meet our emotional needs and share our core values?
Experts say we can use this to find clues for friends and family members.
”Think about the relationships you once had-or what you have-to pick the best,” said Dr. Dennis, a psychologist who is the founding lead and professor of psychology at the Los Angeles Family Center.
“Think about the relationships you think you can cultivate to satisfy you, not just romantic relationships, but any relationships with family and friends.
“It’s also important: think about the people who make you feel safe and secure and what you can do to yourself in front of them.
In the end, he said, these personality traits will begin to emerge.
It is no coincidence that this same trait presents you to your best partner.
”You are not looking for personality traits, but also ways to get along with you.
See which features played a role in the previous relationship.
“White agrees:” In the end, he is often the person around you who has always felt most comfortable with you. These qualities can keep your feelings for a long time.
4. Try to develop a potential relationship to see yourself or help you prepare for a successful relationship, but in the end you must use what you have already discovered-and start looking for a partner.
Unfortunately, at this point, many people have made heartbreaking mistakes.
The most common mistake is that before you really understand someone, you think that his looks and personality are your favorite, have important qualities, and can grow old with you.
Melissa said that many kinds of problems can be avoided, if we aim a new relationship with the new car-starting with “test drive”, which is “dating.”
”In the early stages of any relationship, you should be dating-it’s dating, not going to bed-at least three or four different potential partners.
This will give you the emotional distance and time you need to know someone when you haven’t added too much to anyone yet.
Check once every 5 or 3 months. If your relationship develops as you wish, you can start dating seriously within two months.
But in three to four months, Melissa said that using the new car as an analogy, emotions develop rapidly. ”When the new car runs smoothly, you still have to check it every 3 months.
The same applies to interpersonal relationships.
The examination should include honestly answering some tough questions about your partner, including: o Is he as sincere as I initially thought?
o Does she have the moral values I thought she had?
o Does he really have growing core values for me?
o Is she what I thought of in the past?
If the answer is correct, watch out.
Experts say that red flags are red for one reason-so you can see them!
If your partner is not suitable, reduce your losses and leave immediately.
”Remember,” she said, “you can change a person’s appearance, but you cannot change their own core values-or your own.